Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Living a Secret

Living A Secret
Written by KBWA Member Karen Wells of Karis Counselling Services

We all have “stuff ” that has happened to us in our past that we do not want to remember and want to keep a secret from others. Some of that “stuff “is not so impactful and we can deal with it on our own. Maybe we can learn something from it, or perhaps it has made us wiser about future decisions or choices. That in itself is good.

Yet it is those impactful secrets that we really need to consider. Many women keep the secret of an abortion, an assault, a molestation, or a physical/emotional beating to themselves. The secret seems to be a form of protection. It seems to be a protection from lowered self-worth, guilt, fear, and even empowerment.

Yet, it is not. A secret is often a hook. It is often keeping a women from moving forward. Impactful secrets eat away at a women’s sense of self. Secrets silence hope.

Women do not seek support from a past experience for numerous reasons. They may convince themself that the situation was “not a big deal”. They may assume it is not safe to talk to anyone. They may have been taught to “suck it up”. Or maybe they are just plain scared to face the story!

I am not telling you that you should run out and tell everyone you meet about your struggle. What I am encouraging you with is that you should consider finding a safe place to expose your secret, so it does not have any more power over you. It seems so big when you are running from it, but I guarantee you that if you look at the “secret” in the face, it will shrink. It only has power if it chases you.

If you are holding a secret and you know it is impacting your life, then I encourage you to challenge it’s power. Find a safe place to get ‘unhooked”. Woman to Woman is here to help. Go to and decide if that may be the safe place you are looking for. There are numerous telephone services available, so location is not a barrier.

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